Spoiler: Yes. You can. I’ve known that since the self-leadership workshop with Stina Spiegelberg. 10-time author, TV chef, successful manager of two companies and TOP100 speaker. Now it sounds as if Stina has no free time or time for herself. Incidentally, she’s also a mother. That definitely takes up a lot of time, as I know as a mother of twins. Despite that, Stina lives a – warning, extremely enviable – 3.5-day week. She has obviously organized her (working) life a little better than I do. With her FEMschool, she gives self-employed people and entrepreneurs more clarity to realize their vision and takes us into the fields of mindset, organization and communication.
My conversation about self-leadership with Stina Spiegelberg:
Mirjam Smend: First things first (so that we are all talking about the same thing): What is meant by self-leadership?
Stina Spiegelberg: For me, self-leadership is the tool to get more of what you want in life. Basically, it’s about using self-reflection to direct your own thoughts, emotions and behavior in a desired direction.
Mirjam Smend: You publish vegan cookbooks with great success. How did you come up with the idea of founding the FEMschool?
Stina Spiegelberg: I started my own business 13 years ago because of burnout, as a complete career changer, without role models or contacts. And it was a rocky road. Starting a business with passion and values is something that very few business books follow, and as a woman you have to assert yourself particularly well in the gastronomic and culinary field.
On my journey, I have had the opportunity to meet fantastic people and, especially with women, I have noticed that they often hide their light under a bushel and sell themselves short.
More and more women came to me and put their trust in me by asking me for support in their self-employment and companies. This desire for honest support and an authentic exchange of experiences led to the creation of the Mindful Women Network as an event format and magazine in 2018. This developed into the FEMschool in 2020/21. I was in bed with my daughter, had just taken 3 months off and had just accompanied a small group of women into self-employment in the summer. One night the word “FEMschool” came to mind, the domain was free and six weeks later our first campaign (a 5-day challenge) started. 500 enthusiastic women who were looking for more self-determination and financial freedom took part in this first campaign and I knew this project needed more space. The FEMschool was born and even though I would have thought it impossible four years ago: I have been managing both companies ever since.
Mirjam Smend: Two companies, regular TV appearances, interviews, and, and, and… and mom. How do you manage to juggle it all?
Stina Spiegelberg: I have learned to prioritize very effectively. I no longer find excuses.
I realized that 80% of the things I used to do during my working hours as a freelancer were basically just to fill my time.
Today I say no to everything that doesn’t serve me. That means: I clearly define what I want to achieve this year/month, this week and what I have to do to get there. I allocate my time very consciously. I live a 3.5-day week. I have Wednesday afternoons and Fridays (and the weekend) off. I have a maximum of 30 hours of work. Any project that doesn’t fit into the 30 hours has no place this week. My other time is also allocated: I want to spend time for myself, with my partner and my family and we talk openly about what is good for each of us and what we need at the moment. In the past, I often felt disappointed when the week was over because I hadn’t done certain things or didn’t have the space to do them. My expectations were unrealistic and put me under a lot of pressure, and at the same time I did a lot of things that weren’t productive. Today, forward-looking planning helps me find clarity.
My week doesn’t just happen to me, but I can approach it with an intention that makes me happy in life.
Mirjam Smend: What did you do wrong in the past? Or in other words: What are you doing differently today?
Stina Spiegelberg: Today, I give myself more room to make mistakes and am more kind to myself. To be honest, one of the biggest drivers of growth for a company is not tying your success to the result, but to the rhythm at which you learn.
I used to be very hard on myself, criticized myself a lot and couldn’t accept praise.
An exciting experience that I recently had in a completely new project, something that I have never done before and the organizer has put his full trust in me. My intuitive reaction was not to shy away from it, but instead to believe other people who trust in me and my abilities. Sometimes you already radiate the next version of yourself, but are still too attached to the old one to take the next important step.
Mirjam Smend: Does this have anything to do with our common definition of success?
Stina Spiegelberg: The common understanding of success is “higher, faster, further”. The more you earn, the more you are worth. Everything has to be measurable and ideally the result is already in sight and guaranteed before you start. That was the attitude that led me to burnout 14 years ago and almost cost me my life.
Mirjam Smend: What does success mean to you?
Stina Spiegelberg: Today I approach my definition of success more carefully.
For me, success is directly linked to my quality of life and that depends on my self-determination and self-realization.
I want to enjoy every moment – not just after I’m done working – and be able to live my values. My best years are now, and even though I’m consciously planning for my future, I’m not interested in burning out, but rather in enjoying life with all my senses and gaining valuable experience.
Mirjam Smend: “Higher, faster, further” – can that really remain our goal in the long term?
Stina Spiegelberg: This attitude made me sick back then. And mental health is a very controversial topic for a reason. In a business context, it is easier to measure success by numbers. But what really defines success is a feeling – it’s just harder to grasp. Gen Z is demanding it loudly and thanks to social media, the idea of bringing humanity and togetherness back into companies is becoming louder. In my view, an open culture of mistakes is the basis that creates space for constructive exchange across generations. This is the only way we can find creative solutions for a constantly changing world.
Mirjam Smend: Being self-employed means being yourself and being constant. That’s what they say. How do I get out of this cycle and regain self-determination in self-employment?
Stina Spiegelberg: Being self-employed is a great opportunity to shape every minute of your life yourself. But that also brings with it the responsibility to shape every minute yourself. In an academic career, intellect is limited by purely technical topics, but a healthy approach to mental health, resilience, self-motivation and enjoyment of learning are topics that determine whether someone is successful in the long term when they are self-employed.
The big misconception, reinforced by social media, is that being self-employed will make you successful overnight.
There are rarely realistic expectations. But the fact is that your life and your independence will only develop in the way that is right for you if you first find out for yourself what is good for you and which direction you want to go in. That was one of the biggest challenges for me, because in truth we often just get in our own way. And we have to take responsibility for our decisions, because the biggest energy drain is a doubtful mind. We are so drilled into expecting an immediate reward that we have forgotten how to wait for long-term success. If I have a specific goal in mind, I will have to make compromises in other areas. I know how difficult it is to go all in when you don’t yet have proof that it will work. But believing in yourself can move mountains. Maybe not today, but definitely the day after tomorrow. You just have to keep at it.
Mirjam Smend: Is self-leadership a way to achieve greater success?
Stina Spiegelberg: Self leadership is the basis for long-term success. Self leadership means that I know myself well, perceive my needs and consciously use them as a goal for my actions. Only when I deal with where I really want to go and how I want to feel as a person can it feel good in my life.
For me, self leadership means consistently sorting out what doesn’t serve me.
Mirjam Smend: Where do I begin?
Stina Spiegelberg: You can start with a list with two columns. What do you like about your current life and what would you like to change? Make a list with 20 points each. From there, you can think further: What are the consequences of the things I want to change? Do I need to save money to start training, do I need to find childcare to have more time for myself…? When we have an open life dream, we suppress it for two reasons: we don’t believe we can do it or we aren’t prepared to accept the consequences.
Mirjam Smend: Do you have three hacks for us that will make your (and my!) life easier?
Stina Spiegelberg:
Saying no when you want to and not being afraid of appearing selfish to others when I prioritize myself in my life.
Not comparing myself on social media and consistently unfollowing accounts that make me feel bad.
A free Friday. A relaxed mind is so much more productive and my life so much easier.
Hack No4: Invest in technology that makes your life easier.
Mirjam Smend: What role do your devices, your office, etc. play?
Stina Spiegelberg: I don’t need much for my self-employment: my Macbook and my iPhone, and with them I can basically work from anywhere in the world. The most important thing for me is that my equipment is 100% reliable, I don’t make any compromises anymore. My laptop used to fall victim to data loss or viruses once a year, and apart from this failure and the replacement costs, I was always worried about when it would happen again. Since I got my Macbook, I only replace it when I need more storage space. So my absolute recommendation to all self-employed people: buy a Macbook, the investment will pay for itself over the years (not paid advertising).
Apart from that, I’m a big fan of technical gadgets and apps. Especially with AI, there are new programs every day that make life easier. Every few months I deliberately research selected topics so that I stay on the ball but don’t get too distracted by them in everyday life.
Mirjam Smend: What can you give us to help us become more self-determined in our lives again?
Stina Spiegelberg: Everyday life is very fast-paced and I always find myself slipping into old patterns or losing focus. Asking myself where I want to go and being aware of what I am already doing or what I can do in the future to get there gives me a great deal of self-efficacy. It is easy to get distracted by stumbling blocks, but I am firmly convinced that there is always a way. Talking to other people about my dreams and ideas and looking for people who can support me in a targeted way has always given me the strength to turn a theoretical plan into reality.
My conclusion?
Stina really woke me up. So many overtime hours even though I know I can’t handle the project on my own (which means: ask for support), so many weekends even though I need the rest and time for the family (which means: close the laptop at some point)… Not everything is possible. At least not like that. I’ve internalized that now and just have to implement it 🙂 When it comes to technical equipment, it’s less complicated. I completely agree with Stina: my devices have to support me (and be fun) and not get in the way. That’s why I work with my iMac at my desk and my MacBook Air (15 inch) when I’m out and about. And well, I have my iPhone in my handbag. Finally version 15 – the difference in the pictures is really enormous (perhaps you’ve noticed the difference in my feed, especially on @greenstyle_muc)? Why can I judge that so well? Because I have been an Apple user for over 20 years and since September 2023 I have NOT been able to work with Apple products in my permanent job. And that still gets in the way of me every day.
Do you also want to try self-leadership? And here you can find more from Stina: Instagram: @femschool // www.femschool.de // www.stinaspiegelberg.com
